


Spark, Fire, and Desire

by Abitfairytailforme



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, But coincides with AU, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Not sold on title, Weekly Updates, ends with fluff, it'll be cute, little ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 11:28:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12189132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abitfairytailforme/pseuds/Abitfairytailforme
Summary: AU where Olivia and Alex meet in different circumstances:Olivia's the recently made the detective still on traffic duty because she needs to be placed with her partner - who she's totally dependent on - Elliot Stabler. Alex is her first case. But what will happen when Olivia takes in Alex as a roommate?Weekly updates every Monday.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shandisha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shandisha/gifts).



> I've been writing this one for months. It's gone many many places but I'm finally happy enough with it to start putting it up, one week at a time (I'm one for dramatic cliff hangers even if I hate to read them). Always Mondays! Not much to say, just warnings for canon-typical violence and rape references. I am not sold on the title, so if you think of something better, let me know! 
> 
> I own nothing... please don't sue me, I own nothing
> 
> Shandisha? Remember when I said I had a long one it the works? This one's for you 'cause you inspire me to write more of these two! I hope you enjoy it :)

Olivia had been sitting, daydreaming, in their cruiser. She was tired and ready to fall asleep, yet every time her head hit the pillow she woke up because of nightmares. Of things her mother had said when she was drunk. And sometimes her actions.

_“What’d you mean, you’re bisexual?” Her mother screamed at her, her words slurred slightly. Olivia hadn’t realized how drunk her mother was when she came out. It seemed that her mother was always drunk these days, so she’d just said it when she thought her mother was the least drunk._

_“I mean I like both girls and boys.”_

_“No daughter of mine is queer!” She threw the bottle at Olivia, who darted out of the house; the bottle slipped through the closing door and broke at her feet. Olivia stared at it for a while, her eyes fixated on the broken glass before she stepped over the glass, which emitted a crunch sound, on her way out. She’d gone to the bridge, a mile from her house, and stood too close to the ledge. Her hand was on the railing, not gripping, just on top of it. Consequently she swayed a bit. She thought of her mother’s words while watching the water swish quickly below. How easy it’d be… But she, as always, turned around and went home. Her mother apologized, appearing nearly sober, but the words still stung along with the fact that her mother never said sorry for what she’d said, just for throwing things at her._

A tap on her shoulder jerked her out of her thoughts, and El was there. He was handing her her coffee, which she gratefully accepted. She took the top of and took a big gulp despite the fact that it was scorching hot. Who needed taste buds anyway?

“You need more sleep, Liv.” El says while starting up the car. Olivia looks down, trying to avoid the statement even though she knew it was true.

“Just drive, El.” She snaps, a _it’s none of your business_ tone in her voice. He shrugged, sipped his own coffee, then merged onto the road. They found a nice place, kinda to the side, where they could neatly hide. They waited while the speeds flashed: 40, 43, 45, 39, 40. Nothing high enough to even bother pursuing yet.

“When do you think they’ll find us a permanent place?” El asks, looking at her partner through the corner of his eye. They had recently been made detective, but since they insisted in being placed together, the police had yet to find a place for them.

“Soon enough, you know that. Until then we get traffic duty.” El sighed, sliding down in his seat some, waiting. Another batch of 38-44 passed. “Must be flashing their lights at each other.” Olivia commented mildly, concerned about their lack of tickets today. They got paid by the ticket…

 _“6104 in progress.”_ A crackling voice comes over their radio and they both sit up a little straighter. 6104, domestic violence. _“713 apartment B on 56th street. First responders.”_

“That’s close to us.” Liv says, on 55th street. “First responders, El, let’s go.” El flicks on the siren and rushes then down the block. They stop in front of the building and rush out, barely remembering to turn off the car and close the doors. As they approach the apartment, they can hear yelling from a male’s voice and screams from a woman’s. The woman’s voice occasionally begs them to stop, but then is followed by another scream. El bangs on the door.

“NYPD! Open up.” He yells. No response and they nod to each other before breaking open the door, shields up for the assiler to see. They can hear more sirens in the background. More people coming, but they need to focus, need to help her. There’s a man, his leg in mid-air, poised for a kick. He stares at them with wild eyes while the body of a woman below him croaks something and starts sliding away, blood dripping out from somewhere.

“Come with us, Sir.” El says, the sir in his voice catching, like he can’t believe he deserves that title. Elliot pulls out cuffs, hoping for this to be easy. However, the man has a knife in his right hand and it’s covered in blood. He looks like he’s ready to use it.

“Sir, please put down the knife.” Olivia says. The man shakes his head, brandishing it ready to lunge at either of them. For the first time on the job, Olivia feels fear go through her. The woman’s disappeared, probably hid somewhere in the apartment. “Sir, we’re not here to cause trouble, we can help you.” Olivia states, her training kicking in. But a little voice in the back of her head is reminding her over and over of the danger. _GET OUT!!!_ It’s trying to tell her, but Olivia pushes it aside. That young woman needs help, so it doesn’t matter what happens to her. That woman’s got to be safe, got to. That’s what keeps Olivia standing and brave.

“You’re gonna take me to jail.” He says, shaking the knife and taking a step towards Olivia. Olivia’s got her hands up in a show of mock surrender as if the outcome will be different because of her raised hands.

“No. We can talk to the DA, get you a deal. But you’re resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer if you continue. Then there’s nothing we can do for you.” The man can’t be any older than Liv’s age. He takes another step toward her not convinced by Olivia’s words.

“You’re just lying. Trying to get me to “come quietly.” Well, it’s never going to happen. I’ve done nothing wrong.” The man takes another step towards her, inches between the knife and her throat. Olivia doesn’t know why El hasn’t done anything yet. Glancing over, she can tell he’s scared. Elliot doesn’t know what to do. Olivia blinks at him before facing the man in front of her again.

“That’s right, you haven’t done anything. It’s a simple misunderstanding. If you just come to the station with us, we can get it all sorted out and back home quickly enough.” The man still doesn’t care; he takes another step, knife approaching dangerously close. Olivia closes her eyes, waiting but then the knife’s flying sideways. The man’s arms are being wrenched backwards and forced into cuffs.

“You have the right to remain silent…” El begins, tightening the cuffs, the metallic click ringing in Olivia’s ears. Olivia breathes a slight sigh of relief that Elliot had come in on time. Olivia only gives herself a moment before leaving the room to find the woman.

She opens several doors all to reveal empty rooms. “Will be used against you in a…” She hears El say in the background. Olivia opens another door, at the far end of the hallway, that turns out to be a closet. In it, amongst the cleaning supplies, is the woman; a blond who looks at her with fear in her blue eyes. There’s bruises and blood all over her half clothed body. In the closet there’s dried blood on the wall. There looks to be a tally marks on the wall using the blood as ink. There are several finished sets of five, and Olivia knows what they’re for. She just wishes it weren’t true. Olivia crouches down in front of the other woman. The blond definitely had to be her age if not younger.

“Hey, I’m Detective Benson but you can call me Olivia.” She whispers. “Can you tell me your name?” The blond takes several deep breaths, shaking and wrapping her arms around herself. In the background Olivia can hear more cops and sirens. “They’re here to help you, to take you to the hospital. We just need you to come out.” The woman shakes her head, no, pulling her knees closer to her chest. “The man? He’s in cuffs, you’ll be okay.” The woman still doesn’t move, still rocking back and forth. Olivia finally sits completely, grabbing the woman’s arms and forcing her to look at Olivia.The blue eyes flit back and forth frantically, searching Olivia’s. She finds comfort in the caring and soft brown she finds there.

“I’m Alex.” She eventually whispers, wrangling her arms out of Olivia’s grasp. There’s defeat in her voice, and it breaks Olivia’s heart. She’s never heard anyone so blatantly scared and broken before.

“Hey, Alex. It’ll be okay.” She whispers, trying to offer a smile but it isn’t coming out, not now. “It’ll be okay now. We just need you to come to the hospital. It looks like you’ve got some cuts.”

“Clothes.” She says. There’s no marks on her young face, but all over her uncovered torso there’s bruises and several cuts from the kicking, hitting, and knife. Alex’s knees protect any sense of modesty, but she doesn’t seem comfortable leaving without something covering herself.

“We’ll need you to stay uncovered, but I can get a blanket.” Olivia says, knowing that some tests will have to be done. She moves to go get a blanket, but the woman, Alex, grabs her forearm, clutching it tightly, yanking her back. 

“Please don’t leave.” She whispers. Olivia finally is able to smile warmly at her.

“Okay, I won’t.” She sits down again in front of the woman, murmuring to her softly, trying to calm her down. When the paramedics get there they offer Alex a blanket, which she accepts. When they try to put Alex into an ambulance, she refuses, asking for Olivia; so Olivia rides along. The whole ride passes in silence, just Alex’s hand clutching Olivia’s. The paramedics do a quick check on her - only able to do so with Olivia’s encouragement - but nothing’s physically alarming. The cuts are shallow and don’t need stitches. They’ll check for internal bleeding when they’re at the hospital, but likely all it is is surface pain. The main thing they’ll have to do is a rape kit.

“Love, they need you to place your clothes into the basket. Don’t worry, we won’t look. Just go behind the curtain and put this on when you’re done.” Olivia says gently, handing Alex a hospital issued, paper gown. Upon request, a rape kit is performed. Olivia’s there the whole time, holding Alex’s hand. Olivia tells her how strong and brave she was. Alex never responds, but Olivia can tell her murmured words are helping Alex.

“We need you to give a statement, but if you’re too tired, you can just go home now and give it in the morning.” Alex shakes her head.

“I wanna give it now, just get it out of the way.”

“Okay, these officers will take you down to the station along with getting you a change of clothes.”

“You’re not coming with me?” Alex’s eyes turn a little wild, fear reigniting in them.

“I’m sorry, hon, but it’s not my job. They’ll take care of you though, I promise. And, if you ever need me, you call me okay?” Olivia looks around, finding a piece of paper and a pencil, scribbling her number and her name at the top. Alex accepts it, clutching onto it like it’s her only hope. _It might be,_ Olivia thinks sadly. As Alex walks out of the hospital, escorted by a few cops and El walks up beside her, she can’t help but wonder what the man did to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope everyone's managed to survive Monday - I won't say that we've had a good Monday because, honestly, who has good Mondays? Hope this makes it better! ;)

“I cannot believe we’re back here.” El grumbles. Right after Alex had been taken away, they’d been instructed to get back out to the road. Now, after minutes of silence, El’s voice startles her out of her thoughts. The thoughts about Alex. 

“Yeah, well, that’s not our job.” Olivia says in a defensive voice, but in all honesty, she is a little upset too. She’s worried about Alex and hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what happened earlier today.

“But it could be.” El says, staring Olivia down, ignoring the same numbers flashing over and over in front of them.

“What do you mean, El?” Olivia asks, making a point to look forward and avoid eye contact.

“I mean that I saw the way you interacted with the assailer and the victim...”

“Alex.” Olivia cuts in. “Her name is, Alex.”

“Alex.” El agrees with a thoughtful hum. “That’s exactly my point. You were a natural at it. Like you belonged there. Didn’t you always want to work in SVU since your mother…?” She snaps, finally turning to glare at him and get mad.

“Yeah, ‘kay, El? Yes, ideally, I’d love to help; however, I cannot choose where I get put, just ask. And I can’t imagine doing it without you, so I’m stuck with wherever they can find us space.” Olivia, not for the first time, wished she wasn’t so depended on her partner. But he’d been there at some of the roughest times of her life, and she couldn’t bare the thought of working without him, the only real time she saw him.

“Did you even ask for SVU? It’s new unit, they need the people.” El asks. Olivia hates him in that moment, because, no, she hadn’t asked. She was scared. As much as she wanted to help, she was scared of working in that wing, and she didn’t know why. It’s a pretty uneventful two hours that pass. They ticket 4 people who were barely speeding, but they needed something to occupy themselves. Just as they consider ticketing a guy for 47 does it pick up a bit.

“ _ Officers 6313 and 4015 report, officers 6313 and 4015 report.”  _ The voice comes over their radio and both their eyebrows raise in surprise. They never get called. El nods at Olivia who hesitantly picks up the receiver.

“This is Officer 4015, over” She says, hesitantly.

“Officer 4015, you are required at SVU division, they need help with a victim, over.”  _ Alex?  _ El mouths at her. Olivia shrugs, pushing down on the button and responding.

“On our way, over.” She puts down the receiver, and El puts the car into 1st, driving them down to the station.

“Thank God you’re here,” A man says to them as soon as they enter. “We can’t get anything out of the victim. Not even Jeffries could talk to her, and she’s the best we’ve got. She keeps demanding you. I’m Captain Cragen.” The man says, offering his hand.

“Detectives Benson and Stabler.” Olivia says, taking the offered hand and shaking it firmly. The man, Cragen, then does the same to Stabler.

“Okay, well, we need a statement and we were wondering if you could get one while we watch through the two way mirror.” Olivia nods. “This way, please.” Olivia’s led into a room that has a table, a few chairs. There’s some toys in the corner which leads Liv to believe that they sometimes interview the kids here.

“Alex, how are you?” She asks, sitting down in front of the woman. Alex’s looking at her with those crystal eyes, caution in them. She’s changed since the hospital, now in her regular clothes. Liv’s a little shocked at the long sleeve since it was June, but she was even more shocked at how she looked. If Liv were to pass her on the street, she could be any other person. No marks, no sign of any kind of harm, no longer looking scared and vulnerable.  

“Okay.” She says. Olivia’s again shocked. She spoke with conviction in her voice, strength, determination. It was almost as if changing her clothes, hiding the evidence, had made her a different person. And maybe it did.

“Can you tell me what happened tonight?” Olivia asks, clicking open her pen and posing to take notes.

“Well, I’ve been living with Jaime for a few months now. Tonight I came home late because I needed to stay in with a professor who wasn’t quite satisfied with my latest paper. Even though I explained it to him and showed him the notes the professor had made, he got made and suspicious and attacked me.”

“I know this is going to be hard, but I need you to describe exactly what happened.” Alex nodded slowly, staring at her with a look that sent shivers through Olivia.

“Well, I had just showed him the notes when he started screaming at me that I was lying, that these notes were made weeks ago. I told him no, that’s not the truth and tried to point out the date; he just said I was patronizing him and slapped me. It hadn’t been the first time, so I tried to slip away, but he punched me in the gut and I doubled over. When I caught my breath, he’d flipped open her pocket knife. It was something he normally did and ripped of my clothes and cut me three times. He always cuts me three times before just physically hurting me. His favorite is kicking because it’s easiest for him and it’s harder for me to slip away. He, um… He also liked to rape me afterwards sometimes. I don’t know how you guys found me.”

“Your neighbor heard the screams and called the police. Apparently she’s new to the apartment.” Olivia answers, having been caught up on the details briefly. She looked at the other woman, who was staring at her.

“That explains why she’s never called before.” Alex said bitterly, turning away to hide the slight tears that were threatening to emerge. Olivia feels a sick feeling in her gut again, the one she had felt at Alex’s apartment and when she’d been at the hospital with the blond.

“I’m sorry, Alex. How often has this happened?”

“It’s very unpredictable. He started about 6 months ago now, and it got more and more frequent. Sometimes I would have to skip classes; I was in too much pain to get out of bed.”

“Why did you stay with him, why didn’t you report him?” The words slip out before Olivia even has time to register that these are not a good questions to ask. She’s about to take it back, but Alex is already answering it, not in the least bit deterred by the question.

“I have nowhere else to go. I knew I was in the wrong kind of situation, but my parents kicked me out and stopped financially funding me 9 months ago.” Olivia nodded in understanding. “I had no money for an apartment, and I have to pay student debts. I only have a minimal job at a coffee shop a few hours a week. He was my only option. I thought he was my friend until all this started.”

“And how did all this start?”

“My parents had kicked me out, so I turned to people for help. Jaime was there, and he offered. I thought he was being nice, which he was. For a while. Then he started to get meaner, but only in short bursts. Eventually, he asked for sexual favors as a sort of payment of him taking me in. I started to look for other people to stay with, but nobody would let me in. So I had no choice and had to go along with it. Make him happy was the name of the game.” She says bitterly. “At some point it was flat out rape and domestic abuse, but I just.” Alex breaks off. Olivia’s shocked that she’s kept a neutral face, even if her voice wavered threateningly. “I couldn’t find a way out of it.”

“Well, he’ll be going to jail, you won’t have to worry about him any more.”

“I’m a law student, Detective. He’s going to be let out on bail and his court date will be in a few months best. Sure, he’ll get a restriction order, but I have nowhere to go now.”

“We have homes for…” Olivia catches on the word, but Alex stares her down.

“Victims?” She asks, raising an eyebrow. It’s in that moment, when Alex looks strong, intelligent, and ready to put up a fight, that Olivia feels a little flurry of attraction. And she reprimands herself for even thinking about a victim as anything other than that.

“Yeah.” Olivia said weakly.

“I don’t want to live in one of those, detective.”

“Well, is there any way your parents would…”

“No. They made it very clear they didn’t want to talk to me, and I’m alright with that.”

“I understand.”

“Really, detective?” Olivia bites her lip unsure of whether letting Alex know a little about her homelife would help them make a connection or whether it would just be making this about herself. Olivia decides to go with her gut.

“I grew up with a hard home life, too. I wasn’t kicked out, but I faced verbal and sometimes physical abuse, so I understand what it’s like not to feel safe going back home.” For a long moment, Olivia thinks she’s misjudged Alex. But then finally Alex smiles, complete understanding washing over.

“Thanks for telling me, detective.” Alex says, softening to the other woman in front of her.

“It’s fine, and it’s Olivia.” Alex nods in understanding again, smiling slightly.

“Okay, Olivia. So where do I go now?”

“Do you have extended family?”

“Some aunts and uncles, but they live too far away. I need to stay in town to take my classes.”

“Could they help you with some money?”

“My parents were the rich ones. The rest of my family makes just enough money to barely support themselves. I couldn’t ask them to take on the price of an apartment in New York City, too.”

“Well, I guess you could try and find a roommate, but I’m kinda worried about you living with a stranger. Do you know anybody who could take you in?”

“I never really had friends. I got bullied a lot in high school and everybody is super competitive in law school.” Olivia looked around, then leaned in close, whispering.

“Would you like to come home with me?”

“And how are you not a stranger, detective?” Alex asked, hints of an amused smile behind her lips. Olivia’s struggling to find an answer: I’m a cop is the only thing that comes to mind, but that doesn’t seem very reliable. ‘Cause I’m nice and helped you? That’s in the same vein as being a cop. Eventually Alex laughs, tearing Olivia out of her thoughts. “I was joking, Olivia. I trust you.” Olivia blushes for being sort of an idiot.

“Well, I have a two apartment bedroom and wouldn’t mind a roommate, just until you get back on your feet.”

“Is that allowed?” Alex asks, real concern this time instead of teasing. Olivia shrugged.

“They can’t stop me from having a willing roommate, right?”

“I don’t think so.” Alex agrees from her study of law.

“When do you graduate?”

“I’m actually graduating later this month, then I have a job lined up with the Queen’s DA’s office. I think traffic court, not a permanent assignment.”

“That’s great. I’m sure you know what’s going to happen next, right?”

“He’s going to be arraigned. I’ll eventually have to testify.”

“Yeah, but I think it’ll be an open and closed case. I mean, we caught him in the act, the new neighbor is willing to testify, you’re willing to testify. I wouldn’t worry.” Alex looks at her funnily for a second.

“You know what’s the saddest thing about this, Olivia?” Olivia shakes her head slowly. “I used to think he was my friend. I used to think he loved me. I used to think I loved him too. And I sometimes still think that.”

“That’s normal.” Olivia answers easily. Not even any hesitation.

“Yeah, it is. How messed up is that?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly forgot to put this up! It felt like a Sunday because of the holiday and not being required to go to work! I remembered within my promised time, though. Hope you enjoy!

“This’ll be your room.” Olivia says while opening the door to her spare bedroom. It swings open and a kinda musty smell hits the two waiting women because of all the books stored inside of it. “I hope you don’t mind all the books.” Olivia apologizes.

“I don’t mind at all. I’m a law student, after all.” Alex walks up to one of the bookshelves, her fingers brushing over some of the titles. “In fact, do you mind if I read some of them?”

“Not at all. You live here now, you can read the books, too.” Alex got a little smile; Olivia’s not sure if it’s because she can read the books or it’s because she actually lives here now. “It’s not required, but if it’s possible, SVU recommends that you take some time off; maybe a week, just to cope.” Olivia says, interrupting Alex’s thoughts.

“I can’t. I have exams next week and my future with the DA’s office hinges on how those go.” Alex says, sliding her suitcase containing all of her clothes and books to the corner of the room, then she plops down on the bed. “This is nice.” She comments, bouncing on it slightly.

“Yeah, it is.” There’s a moment when neither woman says anything. Olivia’s shifting awkwardly, but Alex’s eyes are traveling in wonder around the room. She’s eyeing the books and observing the photos, the little of them there are to see.

“Is there anything I can get you?” Olivia asks. She doesn’t know what it is about Alex that makes her awkward, but her presence is strong. Alex turns her head and smiles at her almost lazily.

“I think I’m just going to go to sleep, but thanks for the offer,” Alex had stood up at this point and now she stops next to Olivia on her way to the bathroom. “Detective.” She winks at Olivia before she slips into the bathroom leaving Olivia utterly bewildered. And once again with flurries in her stomach.

~~~

Olivia had gone to bed with more questions then answers. It had been a weird day. Somehow, in a day, she’d gone from traffic cop to having a strange woman in her house. And the woman wasn’t just strange. She was intriguing, the kinda person you know has multiple layers to them. The kind you sit next to thinking  _ what else is there about you? What do I not know? What don’t I understand?  _

Eventually she’d fallen asleep, but it was an uneasy sleep. She had visions of the man, Jamie as Alex had called him; his crazy eyes on Olivia with the knife pointed at her throat. Then he was standing over Alex, foot raised and ready to kick Alex.

Suddenly it changes. Alex was in the closet but fully clothed this time; her fingertips were grazing over the dried blood tally marks. When she turned to face Olivia, her eyes were no longer crystal blue; they were deep, pitch black. She asked,  _ “Do you know what these are for, Olivia?”  _ Olivia shook her head, fear swirling in her at Alex’s weird behavior.  _ “There’s one for every time he cut me, sliced me, stabbed me. Every time he raped me. Every time I’ve hid in this closet. See?” _

Alex pulled up her sweater to reveal dozens of shallow cuts, as many as the wall indicated. All of them were bleeding and dripping down, down, down her body. A body covered in bruises; so many of them that there was none of Alex’s creamy complexion visible, just the purple yellow of injury and hurt.  _ “Don’t you see, Olivia? Olivia? Olivia?”  _ Her body was shaking, Alex’s voice asking,  _ “Olivia”  _ over and over. Eventually she realized that her body was really shaking and the “Olivia!” was real; that Alex was trying to wake her.

“Alex?” She murmured, eyes waking from the terrible dream. The blond had changed again. She was in a pair of PJ and a robe; it seemed that the wardrobe change brought another personality change with it. The fear was back in her eyes but at least they were blue this time.

“I heard something in the house. A kinda thump.” Olivia’s eyes shoot open.

“Where was the noise coming from?” Alex fretted, pacing slightly. “Alex, you need to answer me. Where?”

“I don’t know… I might of just been imagining it.” She admitted, sitting down on Olivia’s carpeted floor. Her hair hung straight down around her face, a kind of golden wreath covering her pretty face. Her pretty faced contorted in fear and confusion.

“That’s okay, maybe something fell.” Olivia said gently. She slipped out of bed. She grimaced slightly, aware of the fact that she was only in a night shirt and a pair of boy shorts. Nonetheless, she pushed forward, sliding down next to Alex. Alex was rocking on the floor, and she flinched violently when Olivia had reached out to her. She calmed down when Olivia moved the hand in slow, gentle, reassuring motions on her shoulder. Once Alex had calmed down, her breathing evened out slightly and her rocking slowly stopping, Olivia held her hand out. Once Alex had expected the offered hand, she pulled the the other woman up. “Let’s go check it out.”

They checked out the whole apartment. Every nook and cranny. Olivia didn’t notice anything out of place, but she was willing to lie about it. “Ah, this fell.” She said, pointing to something she’d knocked over a week ago and forgotten to pick up. “I knew it was in a precarious position.” Olivia picked it up, a photo of her mother, and straightened it. She looked over at Alex who was staring at her with knowing eyes. Crystal blue, sharp; the kind that you saw and didn’t go,  _ Oh, they’re pretty.  _ No, they were the type of eyes where you saw them and shivered, unconsciously aware of the intelligence and wisdom behind them.  

“I know you’re lying, Olivia; but thank you anyway.” Olivia didn’t know what to say to that. She’d said the lie with honesty in her voice, but Alex knew anyhow. “I’m sorry I dragged you out of bed.” And, without another word, Alex turned and walked back to the guest room; well, now her room. Olivia felt a pull in her gut. She nearly yelled out to Alex to wait. But she didn’t.

“You could sleep in my room.” Olivia whispered. “If you needed to.” But Olivia had said it purposefully really quietly, so Alex could not hear it. And that was okay, because Alex would’ve rejected her. Plus Olivia knew she wasn’t asking, not really anyway, for Alex’s sake. She was asking for her own sake, rather. That just wouldn’t be fair. What Olivia didn’t know, couldn’t know, was that Alex had been thinking the same thing. And would have gratefully accepted Olivia’s offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter, filler chapter. Needed to be done, though! Exciting process next week, however! If we can survive till then ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so busy this past week I haven't had a chance to carefully edit it. If there are lots of glaring mistakes, let me know. I'll go over it again. Other than that, I hope the length of this one makes up for how short the last chapter was! Enjoy :)

It had been a week and a half since Olivia had met Alex. In that time Olivia had seen very little of the unpredictable blond. She was always either at classes, studying, or sleeping. She seemed to have those two settings: work and sleep. And here they were, still in the fucking cruiser, waiting for a permanent assignment. El, as always, was pushing for small talk and failing spectacularly. 

“So, I heard you let the victim-”

“Alex.” Olivia growled, “I'm sick of you calling her a victim. She has a name, an identity beyond what Jaime had done to her, you know?” El nodded, only mildly surprised at his partner’s outburst.

“I hear you let  _ Alex  _ move in with you.” Olivia didn’t know why she was upset with the question. It was a perfectly innocent inquiry, but she felt defensive.

“So what if I did?” Olivia asked, staring into her coffee for a moment before keeping her eyes looked on the flashing numbers that they were supposedly tracking. They’d only ticketed 5 people today and they’d been working for 2 hours.

“Nothing, just… are you sure about this?” Olivia sighed.

“What was I supposed to do, El? She’s in a bad situation, and I’ve always wanted a roommate.”

“Are you sure you won’t get in trouble?” He asked calmly, in a voice that said that he didn’t really care. Yeah right.

“For having a willing roommate? Also what are they going to do, demote farther than traffic cop?” El shrugged, but raised an eyebrow, not saying a word meanwhile.

“Just making sure.” Olivia was boiling in her skin. She’d noticed something about her partner recently; he tended to leave his thoughts unfinished, on the tables for her to mull over so that he isn’t the bad guy for telling her something, but he still gets his message across. She hated it about him, because you could never tell him off for doing it. How would it even go,  _ I’m upset by what I think you’re implying?  _ Yeah right. Static yanks her out of her thoughts, straightening her shoulders and listening with all of her focus, like a good cop does.

“ _ Officers 6313 and 4015 report, officers 6313 and 4015 report.”  _ The voice comes over their radio. El, like two weeks ago, nods at Olivia. Olivia hesitates before she picks up the receiver.

“This is Officer 4015, over” She says, apprehensive.

“ _ Officers, you are to report to Manhattan SVU division.”  _ Olivia and El look at each other, confusion etched into their faces. They just stare at each other, not making a move, not responding.  _ “Officers report. Are you going to SVU?” _

“We’re on our way.” Olivia puts down the receiver and El shifts the car into 1st, driving them to SVU.

“Hey, sorry for the short notice, but we need you to talk to another victim.” The captain greets them; Cragen, was it not?

“Okay, where are they?” Olivia asks, still confused. They didn’t work here, they didn’t even ask to be here. Cragen, who’d been munching on some grapes, swallowed and started to lead them the way, catching them up on the case.

“An eight year old girl, raped by her music teacher, apparently repeatedly for the past three months. We haven’t been able to get anything out of her or the teacher. I’d like you, Benson, to take on the girl, and you, Stabler, to take on the teacher.”

“Names?”

“The girl’s name is Mindy Song and the teacher is Robert Shuman. You’re ready for the girl, but I need to talk to you Stabler, give you a few more details.” Olivia nods and walks into the room where there’s a girl, curled up with her doll, looking soberly sad, but no tears shed.

“Hey, Mindy.” Olivia whispers, sitting down in front of the girl who doesn’t look up at her, still holding onto her doll; clutching is probably the better word for what she’s doing. “My name’s Olivia. I’m here to help you, okay? You’re in no trouble.” The girl still doesn’t say anything and Olivia figures she needs to gain some kind of connection before she’ll be able to get anything out of the girl. “That’s a very pretty doll you have there.” Nothing, damn. “Does it have a name?” Still nothing comes out, at least, not at first. Half a minute later the girl opens her mouth.

“Melody,” she whispers. Olivia smiles at the girl.

“That’s a very pretty name, you must like music huh.”

“I used to, now I hate it.” The girl says, clutching the doll so tight Olivia’s afraid it’ll rip.

“And why’s that, honey? Music is beautiful.” Maybe Mindy will tell her about Mr. Shuman on her own time.

“I used to love teaching music until Ms. Millie had her baby and we got Mr. Shuman.”

“Why don’t you like Mr. Shuman?”

“He makes me do things I don’t want to do.” Olivia’s heart does a somersault. What the hell did this guy do to this poor girl?

“Like what?”

“He makes me play music pieces are too hard and gets upset when I get them wrong, but I hate him mostly because he makes me play the game.” This guy calls rape a game? How fucking sick was that?

“What game is that?” Mindy doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just clutches Melody closer.

“He says we have to be naked to play the game, but I don’t like to do that, not with him.”

“I know, honey, and he shouldn’t have made you, but it’s really really important that you tell me everything about this game he made you play.”

“Mommy said I shouldn’t take off my clothes, but Mr. Shuman had said he wouldn’t let me play music anymore.” The girl’s crying now and Olivia has to move closer to her. She puts a hand on the girl's shoulder, handing her a tissue. Mindy somehow manages to end up in Olivia’s lap, but if that what makes her comfortable, that’s okay.

“No, honey, nobody is blaming you. What Mr. Shuman did was wrong and now we need your help to stop him.”

“Promise me?” The girl asks, tears escaping freely.

“Of course, dear.” Olivia says, wiping away the tears.

“Will I get to keep playing music?”

“All the music you want. I’m sure your Mommy would even buy you a new music book or two.” The girl, through the tears, smiles a little, but tears still flow and the smile quickly disappears.

“Well, Mr. Shuman, after making me get naked, he’d make me get on top of the piano bench and he had this thing in between his legs. I don’t have that.” Olivia can’t believe she’s going to have to explain the difference between male and female to this little girl.

“Well, you know there’s a difference between men and women, right?” The little girl nods slowly. “Well, what he has is called a penis, that’s the main difference. Please continue.” 

“And he’d put it inside me and it hurt a lot. He’d keep doing it even if I cried or asked him to stop. Why didn’t he stop?”

“I don’t know, honey. But I’m really really sorry, we’re going to make sure he can’t hurt you ever again. How often did Mr. Shuman make you play the game?”

“Every Friday, but if he got upset, sometimes Tuesdays, too.”

“Do you know if anybody else had to play the game with Mr. Shuman?” The little girl shook her head ‘no’ and Olivia hoped he didn’t play the game with anybody else. “Thank you so much. We’re going to put him away, okay? But we’ll need your help.” The girl looks a little panicked.

“How? I thought telling you was the help!” Olivia rubs her hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“It was honey, it was so much help. But I’m not the only one who needs to hear it. There’ll be jury who’ll hear your story and how honest you are, and they’ll decide to put Mr. Shuman away for a long long time.”

“I’ll have to tell everybody?”

“Not everybody, just a jury, okay?”

“And he’ll go away? He won’t make me play the game anymore?” Olivia shook her head. “Okay.” The girl whispered.

“Thank you so much, we can make sure together that he hurts nobody else. Then you can go on playing music.” Mindy smiles a little, but Olivia knows she has a long way to go.

Olivia exits the room to find Cragen and another man. The other man was kinda tall, a wiry lithe structure, but Olivia got the feeling that there was lean muscle concealed beneath the button down shirt and pants. He had a stare beneath his glasses that made her shiver, but when he smiled at her, it felt like nothing else. She felt comfort just when he smiled, like she could trust him.

“Amazing job, Benson.” Cragen congratulates, grasping her hand in his. “This is our Sergeant, Sergeant John Munch.” Olivia smiled at him and grasped his hand too. He shook it with confidence and she tried to return it.

“Detective Olivia Benson.” Olivia says and the guy smiles at her again.

“I know. You were amazing in there, and your partner’s doing pretty well, too. The guy’s sweating and we think we’re going to get a confession soon. Thank you so much.”

“It was nothing.” Olivia says, trying to keep an air of humility about herself. But there was a question gnawing at the back of her brain that she couldn’t avoid asking any longer. “Why did you call us in though? We’re not SVU detectives.” Cragen looks thankful that she brought up the topic herself.

“Well, you did so well with that victim a week and a half ago-”

_ “Alex.”  _ Olivia growls before she remembers that this guy is her superior and she opens her mouth to apologize, but he beats her to it.

“Sorry, Alex. That’s another thing, you seem to really care and connect with the victims, in a way I’ve never seen before. The same goes with Stabler in there, he’s good with the perps and getting them to confess. We’ve been talking to your direct superior and he’s okay with you two joining the squad. We just wanted to test you out again, and let you two get an idea of what it would be like to work here.”

“But… what makes you think we want to work here?” Now it was Cragen’s turn to look confused. He turned to Munch who was also staring at her, confused.

“I thought you said they applied for this division.” Cragen asked, looking suspiciously at the paperwork in Munch’s hand which probably wasn’t even their paperwork.

“They did.” They both turned to stare at her and she stared back, puzzled.  _ How… El. _

Elliot, just as this thought occurred to her, came out, smug.

“Got him. He confessed. Not just to Mindy but two other girls, Sarah and Julia Wisor, apparently they’re twins.” Cragen nods, grim look on his face at the news of more victims.

“Munch,”

“I’m on it.” Munch says without needing to be told more. He smiles at the two of them again, “It was nice to meet you. I hope you’ll be helping us here.” He walks away. Olivia turns and shoves her partner.

“What was that for?” He asks, confused.

“Why’d you do it, El?” she demanded, gripping his lapels. His face softens from confusion into understanding as he realizes what she’s talking about. Then it hardens into defensive again, staring down at her despite that fact that she was 5 8”

“Because you obviously weren’t going to and you know that we belong here.” She grips his lapels tighter and rises onto her tiptoes to level their heights.

“That was for me to decide!” She growls before releasing him and huffing, going back to her former height.

“You’d decided it, you were just too chicken to do anything about it.” Cragen’s watching the interaction with his head slightly cocked to the side, a mixture of confusion and amusement written on his features.

“You two are going to be a world of trouble, aren’t you?” They stop fighting for a second to look at him. Then Olivia, seeing that Cragen wasn’t really mad, starts laughing.

“I guess we will be if you still want us to join.” Olivia says, finally making up her mind. She’s going to do this, she’s going to work here. Cragen finally grins.

“You bet I do. It’s just me, Munch, and Jeffries at the moment, we’re in need of more help and you two, while are already trouble, are talented enough.”

“When do we start?” El asks.

“Tomorrow, 8:00 sharp. In the meantime go home and spend some time with your wife and kids.” El puts on a look of surprise, poised to ask the question. “You’ve got a wedding band on and some spit on your shoulder, it’s not a hard deduction and I’ve been a detective for a long time.” El looks to his shoulder then flushes red.

“I didn’t even notice.” He mumbles, pulling the cloth of the shoulder in front of him to get a better look.

“It’s okay, just go home. You-” He turns to Olivia, “I’d like to talk to you in my office.” And without another word, Cragen turns and starts toward his office. After Olivia doesn’t move for a moment, El nudges her slightly.

“Better not start disobeying your captain this early on.” He says. He’s grabbed a tissue at this point, trying to wipe the stain away, but it’s dried. It’ll need a washing.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, El.”

“You too, Liv.” She follows Cragen into his office and closes the door on his demand.

“I’ve heard about your mother, Liv. Are you going to be okay working here?” Olivia feels indignant, fairly sure it was El who told him, probably included it in the form. She draws herself up, showing confidence she didn’t have, and stared at him directly while answering him.

“Yes, Sir.”

“No need for that; the sir, I mean. And are you sure it won’t hinder your ability to do your job?”

“Sir, it’s why I want to do this in the first place.” This time he doesn’t mention the sir, but she notices that she’s said it. Old habits die hard.

“That’s good to hear. However, I’ve also heard that you’ve let Alex move in with you.” She was wondering if or when he’d get to this. And what effect it would have. There’s only an air of hesitation before she answers him with a question of her own.

“What’s that go to do with anything?”

“Nothing yet, but I must warn you Olivia, you can’t let every victim in a bad situation into your home.”

“Are you telling me I cannot have her in my house?” Cragen shakes his head. “Then I fail to see how it’s any of your business.  _ Sir _ .” She’s starting to regret her words, again, but he laughs, again. It seems that they’re going to work well together.

“I guess that’s true. But it is my business what you call me and I would rather you not call me sir.”

“Yes, Sir.” She says, smiling. He just shakes his head and for once, in her whole life, she feels truly excepted for who she is by an older male figure.

“You’re a little childlike, Benson. I think you’ll fit in nicely here.”

“Thank you.”

“I suggest you go home, learn more about that friend you let into your home.”

“Okay, thank you.” Olivia’s actually excited to go home and see Alex. For some reason she wants to tell someone, anyone, about her new job. She can’t call her mother, she’s probably drunk by now. And El already knows. Maybe Olivia can finally start to connect with the blond a little more. They were going to be roommates after all.

“Alex?” Olivia calls out when she gets home. It’s 4:30, the other woman was usually home after classes by now. When Olivia gets no response, she figures the other woman’s either out or in the bathroom. She doesn’t, however, expect her to be in her coat closet - which Olivia had opened to stick her coat into - gasping, shaking back and forth. Having a panic attack. No, she hadn’t predicted that at all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another Monday, just another chapter. We're halfway through now! Anyway, enjoy!

“Oh my god, Alex, sweetie.” Olivia says after her momentary shock, and she dropped to the floor in front of the blond. “I need you to breath, okay?” Alex shakes her head, that she can’t, and Olivia is now more grateful than ever for her cop training. The training had taught them all sorts of things, including how to deal with panic attacks. Olivia grabs Alex’s hand and places it on her chest, right over her heart. “Feel my heart, Alex? Feel how nice and calm it is?” Actually, it feels like it’s bursting out of her chest at the stress of the situation, but Olivia tries to calm it for Alex’s sake. “Breath in with me, okay. In.” Olivia takes a deep, steady breath. “And out.” Olivia breathes out, her chest rising and falling with each inhale and exhale, which Alex tries to copy. “You’re going to be okay, Alex, just breathe.” Alex starts to breath a little more normally and Olivia murmured more encouragements until the woman feels safe and the panic attack stops. “Why don’t we get out of here?” Olivia asks starting to stand up and bringing the other woman with her. 

As Olivia was helping Alex up and out, she saw something she’d overlooked because of the heat of the moment. A single red stroke.  _ One,  _ she could almost hear Alex’s scared voice count. And an explanation for the younger woman’s physical privacy came rushing into her mind. The long shirts, the fact that she was always wearing something covering her legs and arms. The fact that she never walked around in a towel - which Olivia was definitely guilty of. Alex had expressed several times that it was okay, but never did it herself. The innocent razors on the shower shelf became so much more real. A sick part of her wondered where Alex liked to cut. Was it the same place she liked to cut, the upper thigh?  All of these thoughts rushed through Olivia so fast that she couldn’t process them, much less process what she was doing, which was helping Alex out of the closet. It’s the other woman’s weary voice that eventually rips her out of her horrifying train of thought.

“Thank you.” Alex whispers once they’ve gotten situated. Olivia had pushed the light woman onto the couch, gone to the kitchen, and gave her a cup of water, which she was sipping on now. Neither of them say anything. They’d only known each other for 10 days and none of their meetings had been in the best context. It’s Alex who finally says something first. “You know, I’m thankful for it, but you could’ve just left me in there. I always work it out.” There’s a defeat in Alex’s voice that causes Olivia physical pain.

“I wasn’t going to leave you in a closet having a panic attack. What are you, crazy?” Olivia says it lightly, meaning it as a joke, but the woman looks embarrassed, staring at something else. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just mean that… well, you know, with my training, I could never just leave someone. Or even without my training. God, this is not coming out at all like I was hoping it would.” Alex smiles slightly at the flustered detective who could not seem to get her mouth around words.

“No, I understand. Though I don’t think that would ever stand up in court.” Alex said.

“There’s just one thing.” Alex raises an eyebrow, staring her down. “For next time, do you know what helps you when you’re having a panic attack? I know the basic help them breath, make sure they feel safe, etc. But, what helps you, personally?”

“No one’s ever asked me that before.” Alex whispered sadly. Olivia’s brow furrows, half in confusion, half in sadness for the other.

“Okay, first off, that’s terrible and I’m very very sorry. But how long have you been having panic attacks?”

“Panic  _ and  _ anxiety. About 10 years on and off. Most of them have been in the last year.” Olivia nods, the implication being  _ since my parents kicked me out,  _ and it’s not lost on her.

“So what helps you? You you know?” Alex takes a shaky breath, putting her glass of water aside and drawing her legs up to her chest. “You know it’s okay, right? I’ve had several this year as well.” Alex puts her head onto her knees and Olivia thinks she’s crying until she raises her face to smile at her.

“Yeah, I know. I just wish people would have the same attitude as you. I don’t know what helps me; I usually just hid in the closet because I didn’t want to see others while I was having one. They always made it worse.” Neither of the woman say anything for a bit.

“Do you want me to do that, or is it just because those people didn’t understand?”

“It was the other people.”

“And the blood?” Olivia asks before she could even think to stop the words. There’s a momentary pause, and the fear in Alex’s eyes breaks Olivia’s heart. “You don’t have to tell me. And I wouldn’t judge. That would be rather hypocritical of me.” Alex looked up with wide eyes, realization that Olivia did it too hitting her hard.

“I might ask you to take away the razors, from time to time.” Alex admits softly, still scared. Then she flips. “God, look at me, annoying a random woman who took me in as a roommate.”

“No, Alex, it’s totally okay. I really wanted a roommate and I want to help. Plus you could make it up to me by taking away the razors if I ask.” Alex nods gently as an acknowledgement of Olivia’s request. But she’s still unsure.

“Please tell me you’re not just telling me this because you pity me.”

“I don’t pity you.” Olivia answers honestly. “Hell, I admire you. You fight through everything life’s throwing at you and at least you’re not depending on a partner you sorta have a crush on but can’t do anything about it.” Alex smiles and laughs.

“So you have a crush on that idiotic partner of yours?”

“How do you know he’s idiotic?”

“You’re not denying it. You’re not denying that you have a crush on him either.”

“Damn you. Never should’ve let a law student into my life; they’re too good with words.” Alex laughs again and Olivia can’t help but notice what a beautiful laugh she had. It flowed out of her easily like she didn’t have a care in the world, despite everything that went on around her. “Do you think now would be a good time to discuss what you living here is going to be like?” Olivia asks after the laughter has died down.

“What do you mean?” Alex asks, confused, hurt, and maybe a little afraid that Olivia’s going to throw her out.

“What I mean is how do you want things to work? Obviously I’m not going to make you pay rent when you can’t, but the more important small things like food and such. You said you had a job at a coffee shop, does that cover your student loans?”

“Barely, yes, and it leaves me with enough money for food and toiletries if I invest wisely, which I have been.”

“Don’t ever be hesitant to ask for help though, I don’t want you going hungry or not having soap.” Alex nods.

“Thanks.”

“Another thing is how do groceries work? I’ll let you use anything in the kitchen, but do you want to have separate groceries which we label or do you want to go shopping together and half the price?” Alex hmmms, intrigued by the idea of going shopping together.

“Which would you prefer, detective?” Olivia likes that Alex is calling her detective for a reason she’s not quite sure of. But that’s definitely something to think about another time. Right now she had the younger woman in front of her to concern herself with.

“I think we should go together. If nothing else, it’ll help us get to know each other better.” Alex nods in agreement, one of her curled up knees straightening out so that Alex’s head is on her left knee, but her right foot is resting on the edge of the coffee table.

“Fridays work for me.” Alex says, blue eyes making contact with Olivia’s.

“That sounds great.” Olivia says. “I have some old takeout if you want to heat it up and eat it now?” Olivia meant it as a statement, but it turned into a question halfway through.

“Okay.” Alex gets up before Olivia can even move and she’s warming up the food for the two of them, assuring Olivia the whole time that she can get the food, that she’s fine, that Olivia should rest. Alex assumed, correctly, that they’d be eating in the living room and she plopped down, handing some food to Olivia.

“Thanks. It’s just, I’m not used to others doing things for me.” Olivia says, knowing that she’d probably annoyed Alex, the number of times she insisted on helping, and Alex had to refuse.

“Oh?” Alex asked, flicking some food with her chopsticks, popping what looked like a mushroom into her mouth. “Why’s that?”  _ Why indeed.  _ Olivia thought. Her mother had done nothing for her growing up, expecting Olivia from age 5 and up to be able to feed, bathe, and clothe herself. Her mother had been drunk during all of those activities, so Olivia had to do for herself.

“Just a rough childhood.” Olivia commented mildly, not wanting to get into it all. Not yet, anyway. Alex nodded, understanding Olivia’s tone and not pushing farther. They managed to find something to converse about; Olivia’s new job, Alex’s graduation coming up. Later, a few funny stories about Elliot. They’re having such a good time, they even decide to watch something, flipping through the channels till the both find something they agree on, which is a lot apparently. They eventually settle on ‘ _ Who’s line is it anyway?’  _ Needing something to laugh at at the end of a rough day. Even if that day was actually the past couple of years.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Monday... what else is there to say? Have a good halloween I guess. Stay safe? Enjoy free candy, basically. Hope you enjoy this 'scary' chapter. I'd listen to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrleydRwWms
> 
> It makes an apperence in the fic. It's called, "Like Real People Do" by Hozier. I don't own the song, I'm not Hozier, nor do I own the youtube account that posted that song. I also don't own SVU, just in case you forgot that... Anyway, I'll shut up and you can get to this. Enjoy!

The night, caused by a rather unfortunate event admittedly, had been a good start to the two women’s relationship. But they had real lives to get back to the next day, and that included exams for Alex and Olivia’s first major case. She’d been called in at 5:30, 2 hours before her alarm was set. She was shocked, and a little annoyed, by the phone’s shrill tone that early. Until she heard the case and understood that this was dire and time pressured. For they had a little girl who had been kidnapped. Olivia had barely managed to remember pants, but did manage to scribble a note out for the sleeping woman. If Alex could read her rushed handwriting, that was. 

And so that was that. The two went their separate ways again. And they didn’t really see each other until Friday, grocery shopping day. Olivia was pushing the cart down the aisle of green things, several of which Olivia was sure she could not name. Probably an over exaggeration, but what the hell was kohlrabi, which the younger woman apparently needed for a soup that Olivia  _ absolutely  _ had to taste. Alex had asked Olivia to help her find it and Olivia had been too embarrassed to ask what the thing looked like, so she was just walking up and down in hopes that the blond would be able to find it herself.

“So… you like to cook?” Olivia asked as the younger woman placed a weird looking thing into their cart… presumably the kohlrabi.

“Not really. I’m actually pretty bad at it, but I love this soup and thought it would be nice for you to taste it too.” Olivia nodded and just continued to push the cart as the other woman dictated where they were going.

Olivia smiled the next day as she warmed up the soap for her lunch; the first home cooked/ healthy meal she’d had in weeks. Elliot’s nose immediately smelled it and quickly sniffed out the cause.

“What, Elliot?” Olivia asked, trying to be nonchalant while she sat down and started to eat the soup. At the first taste, memories of last night flood her mind.

_ “You’ll love it, I promise.” Alex said, smiling at her. Olivia gave her a dubious look, but could not deny the fact that it already smelled amazing. Of course, she didn’t admit that to Alex, she just continued to be suspicious and went to finish some of her paperwork in the living room. _

_ Olivia was about done and looked up, cracking her back, when she noticed that Alex was softly singing and dancing. Olivia privately smiled and watched her. She had a sweet voice, soft and real. While Olivia couldn’t recognize the song, she could realize the weight behind the words she could hear. _

_ “I had a thought dear, however scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt. Why were you digging? What did you bury? Before those hands pulled me from the dirt.” Olivia felt a pang of sadness, the bittersweet tune with it’s depressing message sinking in. Alex starts the next verse, adding some salt after she’d tasted the soup. _

_ “I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask you and neither should you. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do.” The song’s making Olivia realize that maybe Alex is not as strong as she lets Olivia see. But that wasn’t her business, not unless Alex makes it hers. _

_ So instead she goes back to work until Alex tells her they could eat. Shyly, as if suggesting that Olivia could eat alone just with the tone of her voice. _

_ “That’s great, let me just set the table.” Olivia says, moving to put things on the table. Olivia couldn’t believe it when she took her first bite, and it sent Alex into deep laughter. Olivia’s expression had been a mixture of surprise and bliss. Then followed by the immediate need to eat more of it. _

“OLIVIA!” Olivia’s head shakes as El’s voice pulls her out of the flashback. She realizes that her spoon was empty, having spilled back into the container halfway to her mouth. She’d been to distract to even keep eating.

“What’s up, El?” She asks again, actually starting to eat, smile returning to her face with the taste.

“What exactly is that?”

“The first healthy thing I’ve had in a year?” She supplements, continuing to half ignore him. Why, she didn’t know. Maybe to try and make him jealous. Of what? She didn’t know that either. Elliot slides down next to her, opening something Kathy had made him in an effort to get him to eat healthier.

“Since when did you learn to cook or voluntarily cooked something healthy?” He asked, smirking at his own cleverness.

“If you insist on sticking that oversized nose into this…” She says, poking fun at him like they normally do.

“Hey!” He objects, covering his nose.

“Alex made it.” She finishes, smiling when his hand falls from his nose, insult forgotten as his jaw damn near hits the floor.

“She…”

“Makes good soup.” Olivia said, taking another sip, flavors bursting on her tongue.

“So I guess you two are getting along better, huh?” Elliot asks. Olivia smiles, almost a private, little happy smile.

“I guess we are.”

Things had been going so well for the first time ever. That’s why it’s heartbreaking to Olivia when Alex comes to her, 3 weeks later, suitcase in her right hand.

“I thank you for everything.” Alex starts, but Olivia barely hears it. She feels something shatter inside of her because this amazing woman is going to leave her. They weren’t anything, barely even friends, but Olivia couldn’t handle it. Another good relationship in her life. Gone. “I started my new job and it’s in Queens. And it’s about time I move out anyway.”

“You really going to be okay?” Olivia asks, trying to seem casual about this change. She’s failing. Alex nods in response to her question.

“I do thank you for everything, Olivia. For providing me with a safe space, by being kind to me. I’ll never forget it.”  _ Neither will I,  _ Olivia thinks, feeling like she’s on the verge of tears. Over a woman she barely know.

“You have my number, right?” Olivia asks, remembering that she’d giving it to the younger woman when she’d first met her. Under unfortunate circumstances that Alex has seemed to put behind her. It was a month and a half ago, but Olivia never knew with this woman. She was strong on the surface, so hard for Olivia to decipher what’s going on under that mask. Maybe, most likely, she wasn’t. Three more blood strokes had entered her closet, and those were only the times Olivia wasn’t home to take the razors away.

“I do.” Alex says, interrupting her thoughts.

“Don’t hesitate to call, okay? If something happens, you know I’m always here.” Alex smiles sadly and puts the suitcase down. Then she wraps Olivia in a hug.

“Thank you, Olivia. For everything.” She whispers softly. And she walked out of Olivia’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry? More next week ;)


	7. Chapter 7

2 years pass. Elliot somehow figured it out that Alex had left, maybe 2 weeks after it had happened, when’d he’d come over to watch sports and eat wings like they did sometimes. He’d noticed that she wasn’t there, and Olivia had just shrugged. Even Elliot could pick up on the fact that Olivia did not want to talk about it. Didn’t want talk about the other woman. Didn’t want to talk about the fact that her heart hurt and 5 blood strokes had entered the closet. Her own this time. 5 more with strokes entered her closet along with the unavoidable fact that more would come. So they don’t talk about her. They just watch the game and eat wings. 

2 years later, they had forgotten about her. Elliot at least had forgotten about her. Olivia had just moved on. She sometimes thought about the woman. Wondered where she was, what she was doing. If she was alright. But mostly, Olivia just moved on and continued to work at SVU.

Well, the two years did have some effect on Olivia. She’d hardened and softened at the same time because of the job. She was rougher with perps - learned what worked and what didn’t when she tried to get confessions and facts. She learned to be even softer with the victims that needed it. And pushed those who needed it. She learned and grew better and better through every case that came their way. They saw rapists, child molesters, kidnappers, and everything else you could imagine.

Alongside her, Elliot grew too. And so did Jeffries’s replacement, Fin. They’d all been pretty upset when they’d found out Jeffries had to leave, and unfairly resented Fin for a bit because of it. But he won them over with how very good he was. He added something good to their team.

And their team  _ was _ strong. Warner provided the physical evidence they needed. Elliot and Olivia provided their own strengths with victims and perps. Fin and Munch being the brains behind their cases, able to fit little details together. Cragen leaded them well and provided his own expertise from time to time. But something was missing. A lawyer who was good. They’d had several ones come and go over the years Elliot and Liv had worked there. And before then too, as they heard from their coworkers.

They felt the loss sometimes. When they couldn’t get the warrants they needed, they lost cases. Other cases were lost in court. Numerous cases were lost in arrangements. So many cases were lost to the weak lawyers who couldn’t handle the job anyway. Weak lawyers that always left after 3 months, max.

One uneventful day, on the 2 year anniversary of Alex leaving -which nobody remembered- Elliot and Liv were sitting in the squad room, waiting for any sign of something other than paperwork to do. They were bored to say the least. They had had no cases for a week, only mindless paperwork day after day after day.

“You hear we’re supposed to get a new lawyer tomorrow?” Elliot asked, clicking his pen closed. Olivia’s mind took notice of it, unconsciously. Aware that El was planning something, but in the meantime she shook her head no to his question..

“Grandson quit already?” Olivia asked, a sigh of annoyance following her words. “5th one this year.” She muttered. “You know who his replacement will be?” Olivia asked, signing a form and putting it aside.

“No idea. I heard they’re good though.” Olivia snorted and Elliot agreed.

“Though, I wouldn’t complain if they really were good, for once.”

“Yeah, that would be damn near unbelievable.” Elliot smiled.

“Who knows.” Elliot said, then crumpled up a piece of paper. He grinned wickedly at her before tossed the ball in Fin’s direction.

“Stabler! That’s the third time this week!” He yelled, not really mad as he threw another ball of distraction. Boredom had seeped in for all of them. Even Munch didn’t object to the paper ball fight. He just pretended to with a weary sigh of, “Make sure it’s not anything important.” As long as they kept it away from ‘dad,’ their nickname for Cragen when he wasn’t looking, they’d be fine.

They got both their new lawyer and a new case the next day. Almost a way to welcome their new lawyer. A woman had been found knocked unconscious in the park, her underwear missing, dried blood trailed down her legs. They’d already gotten a few leads on who it might be, but they needed a warrant.

“Fin, Munch, go talk to Julia again. I’m not convinced on some of her details.” They nodded and started to head out. “Elliot, Olivia. Go talk to our new lawyer. See if we can get a warrant.” They also headed out, already gossiping in the car about the new person.

“I really, really hope he’s good.” El says, sliding in front of the courthouse.

“What makes you say it’s a ‘he’?” Olivia asks, closing her car door.

“He, she, they, whatever. I just hope they can manage to win a case or get us warrants on time.”

“No argument about that from me.” Olivia says. They make it up to the SVU office. “Here we go again.” Olivia says, taking a deep breath before knocking.

“Come in.”

“Definitely not a he.” Olivia says in regards to the feminine voice they heard coming through the door. With expectations in their hearts, they push the door open. Olivia’s heart skips a beat. Or two or three. She thought the voice sounded familiar, but she definitely recognized the woman, even if her back was to them. No way she couldn’t recognize her.

“So you must be my detectives.” The woman said coyly, turning to face them. “Alexandra Cabot.” She says, offering her hand to Elliot, who accepts it, already starting to introduce himself.

“Detectives Elliot Stabler and,”

“And Olivia Benson.” Alex said, cutting Elliot off. She stuck out her hand to Olivia, and Olivia accepted it, flurries in her stomach. For a moment, it was the two of them and a handshake, understanding in both women’s eyes about who the other was. Who they used to be. Who they could even possibly soon be. In the future, together. Or maybe that’s just me, Olivia thought.

“How do you know her?” Elliot asks having totally forgotten the blond.

“Olivia was there at one of the hardest times of my life. I could never forget her.” Alex says, smiling slightly at Olivia. Olivia got the message, her thanks coming across easily and strongly. A piercing feeling going straight through Olivia’s heart because of the gratitude the blond had for her. “So, what did you guys need today?”

“Oh, um.” Olivia said, so thrown off by Alex’s unexpected appearance, she’d forgotten all about their urgent case. “We need a search warrant.”

“Covering what?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. Boy that look worked for her… focus! Case! Olivia admonished herself for this kind of thinking, especially when they really did need this warrant.

“His house and all electronics.”

“What do you have on the guy?” Elliot filled her in quickly on the details. Her eyebrow quirked once he’d finished the short and unimpressive list.

“That’s all?” They kinda shrugged. She got a weird, kinda smug grin. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” Then she walked over to the phone, punched in some numbers and waited, back to them. “Yeah, Alexandra Cabot.  May I speak to Judge Harrison?” She turned around, looking up at them both, self satisfaction shining in her blue eyes. “Hi, Uncle Bill.” Olivia and Elliot turn to each other, raise an eyebrow, and know that this was going to work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better than last weeks?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Monday, another chapter! As sad as it makes you - and me too! - we're nearing the end.

Olivia easily managed to convince Alex into going out and getting a coffee with her. The younger woman may have been putting up a front at work, showing herself as the strong and confident lawyer. Even smug. And definitely turning a cold shoulder to everybody. But Olivia was different, so Alex said yes. Also, it was coffee. She almost always said yes to coffee.

“So, Alex.” Olivia started as the blond slid into the booth in front of her. “How’s life been since…”

“Since I left you?” Olivia nodded. The other woman always had a talent for bluntly finishing the sentences Olivia had prefer to just trail off. But Alex had to drag it out. To say the uncomfortable, because it made things real. “Well, I worked for a year the traffic division, then did a few months at different places before sending me here. It’s a rather boring story.”

“And now?” There’s a hopeful tone in her voice, and even Olivia’s not sure what she’s hopeful for. Or maybe she does but doesn’t want to admit it to herself.

“Now like how, Olivia?” Alex’s gaze is intense and it causes Olivia to squirm uncomfortably. Olivia’s pretty sure Alex knows exactly what she’s doing to Olivia.

“What do you think’s going to happen… now?” Olivia didn’t know what she was asking. At least, not consciously. She definitely knew deep down. Hoping. Hoping maybe the blond would bluntly say this as well, make it clear for both of them. Alex doesn’t disappoint.

“You wanna know where I’m living, ‘cause you want me to live with you again.” Alex states. One could say this should’ve been - normally would have been - a question. For Alex, it wasn’t. She knew it, and she wasn’t going to hide it behind a squiggle and a dot.

“Yeah.” Olivia somehow manages to get out, but it’s strangled. She’s putting herself out on a limb to ask for this, to suggest it. It could quickly make for an awkward work relationship if Alex said no, and - God forbid - got offended by it. Instead, Alex got her smug, confident smile plastered on her face again.

“I can pay rent now. That’s definitely a bonus.” Alex says, grinning and taking a sip of her coffee, which remind Olivia of her own abandoned coffee. Olivia takes a sip, waiting for Alex to continue. “I haven’t found an apartment yet. They only gave me 3 days of warning, so I’m staying a hotel and was going to do some apartment hunting, but if you’re offering…”

“I am.” Olivia blurts out. Alex laughs slightly at the brunette’s eagerness, and Olivia blushes red, internally kicking herself for her rapid answer.

“Fridays still work for grocery day?” Olivia bites her cheek, a mumbled “yeah” tumbling off of her lips. “Than I’ll move in tonight, give you first payment of rent in a week when I get my first check. If that’s okay with you.”

“More than alright. It’s $2200 dollars a month, so we’ll both pay half if that’s cool with you.”

“Perfect. I look forward to it, Olivia.” Alex gave Olivia private smile as she left some money on the table and left. Olivia was left sitting alone, butterflies and flurries in her stomach.

~~~

“So, you know where your room is. I don’t think the tour needs to be given again.” Olivia says, smiling.

“I see you haven’t changed how the place looks at all,” Alex comments with a lazy grin, looking like a smug cat that already has something planned.

“Well, it’s your place now, too. We can talk about… adjustments.” Olivia says, staring at the worn furniture she has no personal connection to. The only reason it’s still in her house is a mixture of laziness - seriously, who has time to go out and buy new pieces? - and the fact that it  _ worked.  _ She’d keep coffee tables until they were kindling for her unused fireplace. Alex… well, Olivia could immediately tell Alex was the opposite kind of person, and Olivia was just fine with that as well.

“Maybe just one or two things…” Alex says, the grin still on her face. Olivia’s starting to regret her… willingness? Yeah, willingness to let the blond take over because that grin just would not leave her face. Not until Olivia comes homes two days later and actually checks the apartment number, she’s not sure she’s in the right place.

The old brown, ratty - stained, too - couch is gone, replaced with a soft blue, new couch, so much like Alex’s eyes it takes Olivia’s breath away. Next to it is a new loveseat, replacing the old lazy boy. It’s another shade of blue, but deeper. More like a cobalt. Olivia does feel a pang of loss of her comfy chair, but when she sits down it’s gone. Olivia might actually be on cloud nine, this chair is so soft. So soft she falls asleep, only awoke by the younger woman’s laugh. It’s not a bad way to wake up, even if she’s the object of the blond’s laughter. The sound is still pleasant.

“Should I prepare for the drool stains now, detective?” Alex asks, quirk of her eyebrow supposed to send Olivia to shame, but really it just lights something in the brunette.

“I do not drool!” Is what Olivia finally settles on as a response.

“Oh really? Look at the wet spot and put together the evidence…  _ detective. _ ” Olivia looks at the new couch and indeed does find a wet spot. She does blush red this time.

“I thought I stopped doing that.” Olivia mumbles. “I never used to until I got braces.”

“What does braces have to do with drooling?”

“Have you ever seen headgear, counselor?” Olivia says, playing at Alex’s  _ detective  _ game. Olivia swears she can almost see Alex blush at the name, but she knows she’s wrong.

“Yeah?”

“Well, the way you wear those? You almost have no choice but to drool with one of those things on. Never was able to kick the habit after that.” Alex just turns away and re-enters the kitchen.

“Well, while you were ruining the new furniture…”

“Hey!” Olivia responds indignantly. She can hear the other woman’s tinkling laughter from the room, and she can’t find it in herself to be mad.

“I made dinner.”

“How long have I been out?”

“Only an hour. I figured you’d want to sleep. Then I could help but laugh at you drooling.”

“Again…  _ HEY! _ ”  

“Just come and eat, Olivia.” Alex says, grinning from ear to ear. Olivia grumbles her whole way to the table, even though she’s wavering at the truly amazing smell. When she sees the amazing food on the table - including kohlrabi soup - she can’t stay fake mad.

“I guess I’ll let it slip. Just this once.”

~~~

But the furniture was not the only change in her apartment. Olivia easily sense the great shift in her life. There was another person with her every day, so Olivia no longer went home to an empty and quiet apartment. It was almost as if Alex had sparked life back into Olivia. And that spark grew into a raging fire. Who knew what kind of beauty that fire could become if the two of them got together. A burning blaze of  _ something  _ real and indescribable.

If only the blond wasn’t straight...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The headgear thing is true! Or at least it is for me. I still drool sometimes :(


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... not that anybody suggested it, but... I'm not dead! Might die from embarrassment, but I'm not dead yet. Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I just forgot! So busy. Anyhoo, enough rambling from me, here's the chapter. 
> 
> *hides*

Alex’s perspective:

Alex was lying on her bed staring at her ceiling through the thick darkness. She could hear the brunette’s soft snores from across the hall. Alex smiled, imagining it. Olivia, head pressed so deep into the pillow that creases will form which Alex will be able to see in the morning. She could see the angel like look Olivia had on her face when she slept. The older woman had fallen asleep in the living room enough times that Alex had memorized what she looked like sleeping.

It might have been one of the first things Alex had fallen in love with about the other woman. She’d probably loved the woman for years, ever since Olivia had actually shown basic human courtesy to her three years ago, but that little burning charcoals were live and roaring since they’d moved in together a month ago.

Love might be too strong a word… no, it definitely was. Attraction, desire, crush. Whatever. But not love, not yet. For now, it was insane desire, driving her wild every night. Every night she lay awake on her bed listening to the brunette’s snores. But she knew that there was risks to this attraction. The other woman was too nice. And she had no place to go if Olivia kicked her out. Not to mention the fact that Olivia was Alex’s only ally, only friend. She couldn’t afford to lose that.

So Alex just bit the inside of her cheek to try and keep the fluttering emotions inside of her in check and allowed herself to fall asleep listening to Olivia’s soft, sleeping noises, wishing that she could hear them up close.

~~~

Alex opens her closet, getting ready for another day of work. She’s looking at her full range of clothing deciding on what to wear. She eventually settles on a pencil skirt she’s fairly certain she’s seen Olivia stare at her while she was wearing it. Although it could easily, and most likely, just be in her head. She also grabs a blouse, next to her small flannel shirt collection. She never wore them anymore. Being a lawyer was already hard since it was a real boys club. She didn’t know what it would be like if she was out too. So she kept them, as a little reminder of who she was, but she never wore them. She was, quite literally in this sense, in the closet.

So she just pulled the blouse on over a stomach full of unexplained nerves. Olivia had already left an hour earlier. They always staggered their leaving times so that nobody would find out that they lived together, even if they went to different places in the morning. Before leaving, Alex was trying to find her travel mug to fill with the coffee Olivia had brewed earlier. Eventually she found it, full and with a note on it. Nothing special, just Olivia’s curled handwriting explaining she’d needed to stick the coffee pot in the dishwasher, so she’d put it together for her. But Alex had smiled despite the note’s simplicity, the coffee made that much better.

~~~

“She’s been taken.” Elliot’s ragged voice, scared and angry, sends chills through Alex.

“What?”

“That fucking piece of shit took Olivia!” Elliot shouted so loudly Alex flinched and had to hold the phone away from her ear. In the background she can hear Elliot slam something; probably his locker, the main source of his abuse. Alex doesn’t even realize that she’s also violently angry as well; that the piece of paper she’s been holding is now a meaningless ball in her hand, crumpled. She looks at the now empty travel mug.

“What can I do?” Alex asks, trying to keep her voice calm. She needs to be the rational sounding one while talking to Olivia’s pissed off partner. Upon seeing how the two interacted, it became clear to Alex that as much as Olivia needed Elliot, Elliot needed her just as much. Seriously, if it weren’t for Kathy, Alex was sure they’d be dating. So right now, Elliot just needed someone calm, and she could be that person. She could be that person… right?

“Um,” Alex can practically see Elliot dragging his hand over his face, “We need a few warrants. To search his house”

“I’m on it.” Alex says, already leaving her office to go to the nearest judge. “And Stabler?” She gets a ‘hmmm?’ as a response. “Keep me up to date.”

“Of course.” Elliot says before the line goes dead. That’s okay to Alex. She has work to do. She snaps the phone shut before knocking on Petrovsky’s door, entering before she even hears the muffled ‘come in.’ 

“Alexandra, hi.” Petrovsky says. Alex didn’t have time to get annoyed by the use of her full first name. “Have you ever heard of waiting for a response before entering a room? Although I should be happy you even knocked.” There’s a smirk on her face.

“I need a warrant. Warrants, actually.”

“A please would help your case.”

“It’s urgent.” There’s a rude tone in Alex’s voice that’s rarely there with superiors. It would be false to say it’s never there, since Alex had rude and sarcastic flowing with most of her words. But it’s the direct use to a superior that tips Petrovsky off that something’s really important.

“What’s wrong, Alexandra?”

“Olivia’s been kidnapped.” How do you even describe the look on somebody’s face when you tell them that? Shocked isn’t right, nor is upset. It’s a weird mixture of shock, disbelief, anger, and God knows what else.

“My god. I’m sorry, Alexandra. How can I help? What warrants do you need?” Alex dived into describing what they’d need and what they had to get those warrants. Alex knows she’s normally have to fight harder to get these warrants, but it’s _Olivia_. They’re all on her side.

It’s one of the few days of Alex’s life were she wishes she were a detective. Wishes she was out and actively looking for Olivia instead of being in the background, waiting to her any news. Good news, she hopes. It has to be good news. For once, God, or the universe, or luck, or whatever you want to believe comes through for her. Olivia’s found. Shot, but alive. And that’s all Alex really wanted during that day. For Olivia to be alive. Be okay.

Alex has to act cool. She agrees to go last when visiting her since she appears not to be too close to the older woman at work. So she agrees to it. She’s regretting her choice as she waits in the small room, watching her colleagues go in for a couple minutes. Fin’s the last one in. One more to wait through.

Part of her is scared, though. Scared to see the woman who she looked up to - the person who was so strong for her -  in a more vulnerable position. Part of her is also ashamed for feeling that. But there isn’t more time to dwell on it because Fin’s going home for the night. Alex walks in slowly, not quite sure what to expect. Her mind supplies all sorts of horrible images. Of Olivia with a bruised, unrecognizable face, half alive. Of her dull and empty. None of them include images of her getting a rape kit, a detail Alex had been so happy to find out about. That it wouldn’t be needed. Nobody need to find out how horrible that experience is. But, amongst all the images that come to mind, none of them can describe the real one. The one where Olivia has a arm in a sling, but otherwise in pretty good shape, smiling at her when she enters.

“Alex.” It’s might be the sweetest two syllables Alex has ever heard. “I couldn’t wait till you came.” Olivia shifted to sit of straighter and motioned to the chair next to her bed.

“Neither could I.” Alex said, sitting down next to Olivia. She smiled softly at the older woman. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Olivia whispered. “He, uh. He mostly wanted me for leverage against the police. He only shot me by accident when the police were coming.”

“How is it?” She asked, finally looking at the older woman’s right arm. She’d been scared to, but it was just an arm bandaged in a sling. Almost like a broken arm.

“Just a through and through. I can be back out in the field in two months. But I have to wear the sling for 3 weeks and can’t do anything strenuous till then.” There’s a bit of a pout accompanying her words, and Alex has to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing at the brunette. “I wasn’t scared by him, but…”

“It’ll take time. I understand, Olivia.” Alex asks, grabbing Olivia’s hand on a whim. She strokes the rough, calloused hand with her thumb. Part of her mind is working, trying to figure out every callous and scar on Olivia’s hand. _Probably from the gun, maybe played an instrument, fell as a kid?_ The other part is completely blissed out just from the simple contact. “But I’m glad you’re okay.” Alex says in a hoarse whisper.

“I’m glad, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little nervous 'bout the flannel shirts part: Let me explain my views. I believe Alex would be a lot like me in this view (except she'd be gay while I'm bi). She likes flannel shirts a lot, not because she believes in the stereotype, but just 'cause she likes how they look and feel. She, however, feels like she can't wear them in public because she knows the stereotype that lesbians wear flannels exist and she's trying to be a lawyer, so she cannot be out or even have superstitions flouting around. The stereotypes aren't coming from her, but other people around her. Hope that clears this up.
> 
> 1 more chapter to go!


	10. Chapter 10

“I have the long weekend off.” Alex says the next day. They were able to go home last night since Olivia had somebody at home with her - that was Alex of course. But the two women were exhausted and just collapsed in their appropriate beds. Then they had to go to work. Alex since it was scheduled, Olivia since she needed to clear details up. 

“I have the next week off, too.” Olivia says, smiling. “Anything you want to do?” It was about 5:00; they could do something tonight.

“Lets watch some stupid movies.” Alex finally settles on. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for stupid movies.”

“You have a favorite genre?” Olivia asks. Alex bits her lip. This is a moment that could change a lot things between for the two women. Alex just wasn’t sure if that would be for the better or worse.

“Lesbian movies, mostly.” Alex admits. There’s a silence that seems to stretch on for ages to Alex, but in reality it’s a couple of seconds, max.

“I have plenty of those.” Olivia says, grinning. It’s like something clicked in place for both women with the simple confession. They had doubts, of course, but they knew it was real then. They made it through 3 movies, 4 bags of popcorn, take-out pizza, and some alcohol. Olivia’s half asleep and cold, so she grabs the blanket Alex has put at the top of their couch. She drapes it over herself and doesn’t say a word when Alex slips herself under it as well, pressing their bodies together. As the movie’s ending -  _ Imagine Me and You - _ Olivia’s head slumps onto Alex’s shoulder. Alex looks over and Olivia look up at the same time. They’re very much pressed into each other, faces - and lips -  inches apart, hearts racing.

“So, why do you like lesbian movies so much?” Olivia asks, eyes flicking down to look at Alex’s lips for a second before continuing to stare into those blue eyes.

“I think you know why, Olivia.” She whispers before the inches between them are finally breached. The kiss is nothing like either woman expected. Olivia had always imagined herself kissing the blond and getting no response, then being filled with regret. Alex had imagined it to be soft and sweet. Both are wrong. It’s months - years - of frustration and yearning spilling out between dueling tongues and lips. It feels like it’ll go on forever, and it damn near does. Minutes, probably. Finally they’re forced to pull apart, a mixture of necessity for air and questions that also want to tumble off of their lips.

“What does this mean, Alex?” Olivia asks, searching Alex’s crystal eyes.

“I like you, Olivia. Have since I first met you.”

“Thought you were, you know…”

“Straight?” The bluntness that Olivia loves so much is back and it sends chills through her. Alex notices. Alex snorts in response to the idea that she was straight. “Couldn’t be gayer. What Jaime did? That was rape and totally past me. And what about you, detective? I thought you were straighter than the rod your coworker’s think is stuck up my ass.” Olivia snorts. She was fully aware of what her colleagues thought of Alex, even though they were all wrong.

“Bi.”

“Cool with me.”

“Just… before we get into this, you gotta know that I come with lots of emotional baggage.”

“Detective, do you remember how we met?” Alex asks, sarcasm dripping off her voice. “You’re fine to me.”

“Does that mean we can get back to kissing?”

“I don’t know why we aren’t already.” Alex barely manages to say before their lips touch again. It’s sweeter this time, less urgent knowing they’re both in it. Soft lips with stroking tongues and wandering hands. The pace is slow and curious despite both women’s pressing need. They break apart again, foreheads touching. “What do you want, Liv?” Alex asks in a breathless whisper. A little shiver goes through Olivia when Alex using that nickname.

“Everything.” Olivia says. Alex searches Olivia’s brown eyes, full of warmth and compassion, but also clouded with lust. Their kiss becomes urgent again and it only breaks when they move to pull off the other’s shirt.

“Would it be too cliche to say you’re beautiful?” Olivia gasps, taking in the blonds milky white torso. There are small scars littering her abs and Olivia can remember where they come from. Olivia can also tell Alex is a little self conscious about them.

“Yes.” Alex says quirking her eyebrow, judgment written across her features. Olivia just laughed and kissed her way down the younger woman’s torso. She took the time to kiss every single scar.

“But you are.” Olivia murmurs as she kisses the last scar. “Just perfect.”

“Just get up here.” Alex groans, not really mad as she drags Olivia up for another kiss. Olivia laughs against Alex’s lips.

“You know, I’m convinced one of our beds would be more comfy.” Alex says suggestively.

“But I don’t want to stop what I’m doing!” Olivia whines.

“Then don’t.” Alex replies. Alex means it as a  _ we can stay here for a bit _ but Olivia interprets it differently.

“You’re gonna have to help me. One arm is a little… incapacitated.” Olivia said, wiggling the arm in the sling. Alex’s confused about what she’ll need to help her with before Olivia grabs Alex with her good arm and hauls her up. Alex gets it, wrapping her limbs around Olivia so Olivia’s carrying her weight with her back and legs rather than her arms. Her good arm wrapped around Alex’s back while Alex’s legs and arms were wrapped around her.

“See? Now we can move and I can kiss you.” Olivia smiles happily before re-attaching their lips and walking them down to her room. Olivia was fairly certain she was in control - who was carrying whom to the bedroom after all? - so she’s confused as to how she’s on her back, bra off, and Alex slipping her pants off.

“This okay?” Alex asks, hovering over her boyshorts.

“Not yet.” Alex is having a mini panic attack about how she’s overstepped some boundaries while Olivia grabs a pillow and situates it behind her head.

“Now I can watch.” Olivia says with a shit eating grin. Alex just rolls her eyes, but keeps their eyes locked as she leans forward, lazily and broadly licking over Olivia’s underwear… and right over her clit, too. “God.” Olivia mumbles. Alex smiles as she pulls off the offensive object, tossing it over her shoulder. Olivia’s legs fall open automatically, but Alex spreads them further. Alex is silently appreciating the view. Olivia’s already incredibly wet, folds open and glistening for her. Her clit is poking out proudly from its hood.

“You just gonna stare?” Olivia asks impatiently. Alex stares up at Olivia again over her glasses before getting to work. The first swipe of Olivia is heaven. Salty and sweet, musky and just  _ perfect.  _ Olivia whimpers when Alex flicks her tongue over Olivia's clit and groans when she sucks. She has a whine when she enters Olivia with a finger and moans when she adds a second. And there’s no noise at all when she comes. Just mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure.

“Come up here.” Olivia whispers hoarsely when the last waves of pleasure stops cresting over her. “I think I’ll have some trouble leaning over you, so I want you to come up here.” Olivia says suggestively. Alex, already too far gone to care, crawls up the brunette’s body, situating herself over Olivia’s mouth. Alex isn’t 100% sure, but Olivia is definitely a god. Nobody else could be  _ that  _ good.

But it’s afterwards that matters to both of them. When they turn off the light, pull the sheets over themselves, curl into each other, and softly kiss. When they fall asleep together. When they’re finally together.

 

Epilogue:

Alex and Olivia quickly disclose, but don’t tell any of their coworkers. Cragen doesn’t tell anyone because, as long as they’re working well together, he doesn’t care.

Being competitive, the two of them start a bet about would give away their relationship first.

_ “One day you’re not going to be paying attention and kiss me.” Olivia teases, rubbing her hand over Alex’s chest as they lay lazily in bed, post coital bliss. Alex grabs the wandering hand, kisses it, and stares her straight into her eyes as she responds, “Not a chance.” _

It takes a while. A year actually. But it does happen: one of them kissing the other mindlessly.

Olivia’s getting ready to leave for the night. The rest of the squad - Alex included - is staying late to work. However, Cragen’s sent Olivia home since she’s been up longer than anybody else. 38 hours to be precise.  _ You  _ need  _ to rest.  _ Cragen told her, and she couldn't really argue she was so tired.

She was coming out of the crib, looking at her phone and pulling on her coat while the rest of the squad was discussing the case. Alex was sitting on Olivia’s desk, arguing about a warrant when Olivia walks in.

“Hey, ‘Lex?” Olivia starts. Alex is excited, wondering if this is when Olivia's finally blow it. Then again, she could just be tired and slipping up saying her first name… ‘Lex was a nickname Olivia had quickly adopted for her outside of work, but she did sometimes say Alex at work rather than ‘Cabot’. She could be tired, trying to say Alex and ending up saying ‘Lex. But, then again, Alex could hope.

“Need something, detective?” It’s the perfect statement. If ‘Lex was Olivia’s nickname for Alex, then detective was Alex’s for Olivia. It was enough to keep Olivia in her lulled state but not give anything away to the squad.

“Did you ever get more of that raspberry tea you like? I might stop by the store for a pick me up and could get you some.” This was  _ definitely  _ her chance. The squad was already trying to piece together the fact that Olivia's buy groceries for Cabot.

“No, I didn’t. That would be nice, thanks.”

“Okay. I’ll see you at home, love.” Alex’s stomach is full of flutters with the name  _ love.  _ Olivia loved to call her that, too. But really, what sends her over is Olivia bending to kiss her.

“What?” El shouts, so confused.

“Oh shit!” Olivia says, realizing what she’s done.

“I told you it would be you.” Alex says smugly, and Olivia just laughs at the faces of her colleagues. They definitely had a story to tell them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnd, it's over. It's over? I can't believe it! 
> 
> I'm already sorta working on a sequel, but this on took me a while, so don't hold your breath. Let me clarify, it will happen, I just want you to be alive when I do manage to get it out. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are love (hint, hint)


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